Cruise and Stuff

I went on a cruise last week. Yeah... that's right! It rocked! I had a great time hanging out with my sister and meeting mom's from all over the country. I hated them a lot less than I thought I would, and actually liked a few of them quite a bit.

It was wonderful to be away from the kiddies for just a spell. I missed them most when I saw other fat faced cherub boys looking at me or beautiful princess toddler girls running and laughing.

I was a bit sick but nothing so bad as to keep me out of the sun (or the dance club). There was certainly something special about just being Andrea for a bit and not worrying so much about being Sammy and Claire's mom and Justin's wife. All the titles make me tired just typing them.

Coming back to the house wasn't all that easy. I like to think I've loosened up a bit from my OCD youth, but coming home to the daddy disarray almost made me vomit.

It took me almost three days to get things back to "my way". Now that it's done I feel tired... and almost ready for another retreat.

The Fairy Princess Take Over

Devils Night, 7 PM, Target. My hands shake as I finger through the dollar bins. In a state of desperation I run to the seasonal isle. There must be something, possibly left over, I can buy Claire's Class for the Halloween Bash.

Not until just hours before did I realize what most day care moms know as a rule, "No home baked goods for distribution." So here I am, last minute. One of "those" moms. Of course, shortly thereafter I realized I had a perfectly justifiable reason to be away from the kids and I stopped at the Starbucks for a camel apple cider.

I did end up finding something (imported junk). After stuffing them into single serve cellophane bags with other edible goodies I took Claire into school.

I slaved over Claire's Fairy Princess vision. Big girl makeup and stripped tights. I thought I would shine as the dedicated parent. Little did I know every little body in that class had cellophane bags tied with pretty ribbon.... and every little girl was a Fairy Princess.

Super Family Showdown

This past weekend was a doozy! Friday started large with everyone coming in from out of town. This hefty list includes, maternal grandmother, grandfather, step grandfather, aunt and uncle.

The day begun with cleaning and preparations (not counting the actual work that had to be done). My dad, as expected, arrives 4 hours prior to his pre-discussed arrival time, so I work to include him in what I'm busy doing.

It may be a good time to point out that my parents are divorced, so it goes without saying that we do our best to entertain them exclusively.

Later that night my mom, step dad, sister and brother-in-law get in and the juggling begins. My sister with my dad and me with my mom, then, my sister with my mom and me with my dad.

This goes on through the "Princess Party" for my newly 3 year old, through all the pasta salad, the beer and the presents. Through into the night when my sister stays on with my dad, sharing ice cream and movies and I go off with my mom and step dad to watch a roller derby. Through into the next day when it's off to Indianapolis to baptize my son, Sammy. Through the after brunch, mimosas and presents again. And until goodbyes are said and the return trip home is underway.

Now I'm just regaining consciousness and it's Wednesday morning. The kids recovered well from all the hub bub with only new toys and sour stomachs to show for it.

I guess it's onto the next adventure, when, this weekend, we trudge to Michigan to my husbands family where we'll celebrate his grandmothers 90th birthday.

UGH!

Day Care- The not so bad option!!

It turns out the business was busier than I wanted to believe and I'm recently found myself without my ever so reliable, superhero, babysitter. I posted want ads and looked up preschools and finally found my child care answer.

It's a program locally called PDO or "Parent's Day Out". It mostly caters to the stay at home mom that needs time here and there to take care of errands or part-time work. In my situation there couldn't be a better solution! I have both the kids attending now on Tuesdays and Thursdays for four hours a day.

Certainly, this gives me a good amount of time to work hard on my job, but also gives the kids a bit of time to hang out with other kids their age. This probably is more important to Claire than Sammy, but it's the most important for me.

Giving me this break to do my job well is the best gift I could have given myself. I still have the kids nearly full time at home and I couldn't be happier with the help I get when they are away.

I guess I was unfair when I thought about daycares in the past, but there isn't anything better (at least for me). I guess I shouldn't be so quick to judge when I hear about what other parents are doing with their kids. Experience is the only way to know if any particular situation is going to work out for you and your children. I've learned this is a good one.

Full time again...

Lately my florist business is taking a slow down. I still have weddings and corporate events, but not enough to sustain a full time nanny. This means that by default I am now a full time stay at home mom, working in the evenings to keep the finances flush. Anyone who tries to say that staying at home is a releaf next to working a 40 hour work week must not have young children. This is hard! Keeping my toddler engaged while maintaining a clean diaper and a full belly for my baby is terribly time consuming. Those moments when all is well and both kids are happy is horribly boring. I've found the only way to keep everyone sane and, even more, happy, is to have activities. Sometimes Target is the best I can do, but often times we can do better, by creating crafts, going to the park or meeting with some "friends" Claire's age. Certainly, even on a good day this is exhausting. I'll vote with the other working mom's that it makes a mom happier to be productive and away from the kids from time to time. Let's just hope I can make it through the slow winter and still be sane enough to work in the spring! Wish me luck!!!

The great outdoors

I never knew it was going to be so hard supporting outdoor time with my kids. As a child myself, I was always outside. My mother wouldn't have it any other way. And although I want Claire to play outside as much as possible I can't very well let her play outside on her own yet. That means that I must go out too, and although I love being outside more than almost anything, it's just been way to hot to be out long. I do my best to run to the park or sit in the backyard, but in 95 degree weather I don't last long. My poor son is too young to be put down and walk around, so inevitably our sweat mingles as we stick to each other.

I guess I have to admit that I look forward to the days when I can tell Claire, "Go outside, it's too nice a day to be sitting in here!" Then I wonder if in today's world that even happens anymore. More and more I see mothers "babysitting" their children's every move. With all the concern of "stranger danger" and the over population of concrete and fast cars where are the children supposed to have their woodsy exploration and water bug captures?

It's possible that we may just need to support more travel to places less developed. It's a shame the world is such a small place that their are so few large lands for our children to roam without worry.

The perfect mom

Inevitably with the birth of a second child time is more at a premium than ever before. Because of this, my sons baby book has been lying nearly blank on the shelf for months. Over this past weekend I took the initiative to order all the photos needed to start things off and when they came in today I got started right away.

I opened up the front cover and immediately started taping, pasting and writing. Sam's over six months old now so I had over half of the pages to populate with witty answers and adorable baby pics. Hmmmm... what were my thoughts right before he was born? When exactly did he start solids? I was totally sucked in.

Sammy was less impressed and wiggled on the floor complaining to be picked up.

...first slept through the night...lol... first trip in the car...

Sam was still struggling for my attention, but I was so engrossed.

"Just a minute Sammy, I'm almost there." Minutes pass.

It occured to me right then that although I thought I was being the perfect mom by creating priceless memories for my son to later cherish I should probably just pick him up and put the damn book down.

Cliche

Everyone says, "enjoy it now, because they grow up so fast." It's true, but it's also true that sometimes as a parent you wish it would just pick up the pace and be over with. I am not too proud to admit that there were times when I wish my kids would just grow up! That being said, I am far enough into it now to understand the wisdom in the statement. And although it's horribly cliche to say so, I completely agree.

I was just finishing up my daughters baby book (it goes up through the 3rd birthday) and I realized I never ordered the video montage I made of her first year http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=1c9c6d75b8582ccba85fd2&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email . As I went to order a copy I gave it another look.

I couldn't believe that the baby looking back at me was my Claire! I know it sounds sentimental, probably mostly because it is, but I can hardly believe how she's grown. I think parents get so caught up in the daily struggles they forget to remember all the fabulous little things their once babies used to do.

There is something magical about having this realization now. I have a six month old who is changing every day and I hope not to take it so much for granted.

I guess there is something to be said for listening to the older generation - but that doesn't mean when grandma comes over that I'm going to let them stay up until midnight just because, "they don't seem tired".

All under self control

People who know me know I'm independent, determined, motivated and impatient (among other redeeming qualities). To my surprise, in the last year, Claire has developed these exact same personality traits. She looks just like my husband but acts just like me. Certainly it's not all bad. This means she'll be successful and self-sustaining, but it also means she can be a bit of a terror at times. She needs to have everything her way and right away. She also needs to do everything herself, which is not the easiest thing for a two and a half year old. Needless to say we bump heads. I know, I know, she's 2 and I'm 31 I should be a bit more mature, but hey... we both want to do things our way!

She has a new thing she's saying all the time these days. I'll try to put her up in her car seat or put on her shoes and she'll say, "All under self control mommy." At first we thought she was saying something to the effect that mommy was out of control (which would have been true most days), but instead she was telling me she can do it herself. She's so smart and focused! I just have to remember that she's only 2, and even though she thinks she has "everything under self control" she still needs help from her mommy now and then.

Picture picture

Just recently Claire received a digital camera as a gift. It's so much fun to see her take pictures of her surroundings and mimic what she sees me doing when I take pictures. She's running around..."picture of Tonga" (our dog), "picture of Mommy", "picture of Daddy", "picture of Baby Sam", "picture of dinner", "picture of floor". The entertainment is endless. At first I though it was a bit silly for such a young child to have such an involved toy, but she loves looking at all the images she's taken on the display and the excitement mounts when we get to upload the pictures and view them on the computer. She's using her imagination and is also learning a bit about computers. I'm revising my mind. Digital cameras for kids.... good idea!

The Women's Movement

I know it's a common complaint, that the husband of the house isn't taking enough initiative and doing what's needed. I also have this complaint. Even on weeks when I am working as much or more than my husband it still falls on me to do the laundry, clean the house and other "women" tasks. That being said, even the "man" tasks often fall in my lap. It's amazing how much grumbling has to occur for garbage to get out the door.

I have to admit that I'm a bit embarrassed (although I doubt that's the right word) that I have fallen into such gender stereotypes. When I was inspired and young I never wanted to have children. I just wanted to be a successful independent single woman - not depending on anyone and with no one to depend on me. It's amazing how things change. There is not a single part of me that wants to undo any part of my life, but I guess I just hoped that we'd be that "other" family where gender roles were not part of the household hierarchy.

Other times when I give it more thought I feel that it's not that my husband expects these things of me, he's just too lazy to do them himself. He's smart enough to know that if he leaves the garbage long enough, soon my nose will dictate that I move it out of smelling range.

So - that brings me to the woman's movement. I guess I thought we were further than we actually are. The men still make more, work less, contribute when it's convenient and moderate family involvement is above and beyond. So my question is why don't we now have a Men's Movement which would entail men MOVING and getting shit done!!!

A little too much

I know I'm not the only mother out there with "mommy guilt". It's true that most, if not all, of the moms out there deal with this on a daily basis... some better than others. I work some weeks full time and others not at all so it seems that on the weeks I'm busy I feel guilty about not spending more time with my kids. I am completely rational about the financial benefit my work has, but sometimes it doesn't seem like I'm making enough to be so overwhelmed. Because I work from home, I can hear my kids upstairs having a good ole time, or even worse, having a meltdown. I have to be smart about when to interfere and when to stay focused on my work. Usually I go upstairs and end up working into the evening because I was distracted throughout the day. I tip my hat to all working moms out there. Good for you for contributing financially AND emotionally to your family. It's not always an easy balance, but the payoff is bigger than the paycheck. We are showing our children that women can be successful outside the home and independent. I hope my kids see it that way when they get older.

Quick and healthy. Does it exsist?

I'm a vegetarian as are my children and I try my best to purchase organic produce. You would think this would land me in the healthy eating category. Not necessarily. I put effort into meal planning and work to avoid frozen and prepared meals, but it still seems that I am eating way too much fats and sugars. To give an example, I was at the supermarket today working on picking out a yummy dinner we'll all enjoy. I though Mexican would work well. I bought fresh veggies and black beans for chimichangas and figured my daughter would have a quesadilla. (It's not so much that she wouldn't like the chimichangas but we spice them up enough that they are too spicy for her).

Any how, it turns out that the dinner wasn't good for us at all. Don't get me wrong... it tasted delicious, but between frying up the veggies, the cheese, sour cream and guacamole the meal was a disaster (and that's before I put the whole thing in oil to fry it).

I'm not sure where I'm going wrong. I really enjoy healthy food, but it seems with my busy life I don't get around to all the perishables before they expire, and I certainly don't have time to go to the supermarket every day when I have the brilliant dinner idea (which rarely happens anyhow).

So I guess what I'm getting at here is what am I to do? I want to eat healthy and instill good eating habits for my children, but I just don't seem to find the time everyday. I would say a good two times a week we make a very healthy and well rounded meal, but I'm not satisfied with that average.

I hope to get better at this as my children get older so they can learn to cook healthy for their children. I'm just not sure where to start.

Children are the best distractions

This has been an unusually busy week. I had long hours for work, guests in from out of town and a missing husband. All of this combined can make for a bit of stress. My husband took off last Thursday for a "boys weekend". This is the almighty excuse men use to get out of the weekly family obligations for a long weekend. Unfortunately, for me, this "long weekend" ended up being nearly a week. After he left, my sister and her daughter (10 months) came by to visit. Needless to say, things were a bit out of control. Granted, we had fun with the kids, but after bedtime tended to be when the real fun began.

Okay - let me get to the heart of this post. After four days of my husband being gone and a good 40+ hour work week, my hubby gives me a call. At the moment the phone rang I was in the midst of giving Sam a bath (a bit distracted), but I was glad to hear from him. I start the obligatory small talk, "How's the trip", "Where are you off to now?". We cut the call short when it was obvious I was more involved in getting a clean diaper on my son than talking to my husband. Later (about 11:30PM)he called again. He asked what I was up to. I told him I was making homemade Strawberry Shortcake. His response, "So that's what you do on my birthday when I'm out of town?"

OH SHIT!!!! It was indeed his birthday! He had called earlier to test me, and again right before the end of day to make sure I didn't forget. I had. I tried to make light of it, but I was destroyed. I couldn't believe that I, the master of all things gifted, could forget such a milestone.

After a good 12 hours of grieving my mistake I make a homemade key lime pie and chocolate cake and got over it.

I guess it's easy to use your children as an excuse for being distracted, but they truly are the best at it. There is nothing like a screaming baby to take your mind off of everything you had in your brain only moments ago. That being said, it was an artful design. The baby should be the focus at that moment. It's nice to think that my son treasured my attention more than my husband would have appreciated my quick text saying, "Happy Birthday".

Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom???

I can't decide if I'm neither or both. I work from home. That alone says it all. I have a florist studio in my basement where I work a good 30-40 hours a week during my busy months and closer to 15 hours a week in the slow season, but whether I be busy or not at work, I'm always busy at home. Along with working with clients and making product I'm also doing laundry, kissing boo boo's and cleaning toilets not to mention breastfeeding every two hours. I feel so lucky to have so much time with my kids, but although it's a blessing, it's also a curse. Now that I have my fabulous children it takes me a good three hours to complete a one hour task.

I guilt myself constantly about not being a good enough business woman and also not giving my kids enough attention. You can't have it both ways! I have decided my priority is my children. Both my children are under three and I figure, as all mothers would say, "cherish this time, you'll never get it back." That being said, I still have to keep my business going and I feel like it's suffering.

Just because the dishes aren't done with in two hours of them being dirtied and my clients have to wait 48 hours to hear back from an e-mail does not make me a failure.

Maybe the worst part about it isn't the priorities I have to make or the tough decisions (do I cuddle my crying infant or finish the bridal bouquet). The worst part is that I get negativity from all ends. The Stay-at-Home Moms think I'm not spending enough time with my kids and the Working Moms think I'm not giving my business enough energy.

Often times I just need to take three steps back and give myself some credit. I am doing the best that I can. I AM a good mother AND a good business owner. I'm doing it all just fine.

So many little things - update

I'm embarrassed to admit that it only took me a minute or two on the internet to obtain the answer to my last blog's question - what about safer bottles and sippy cups?? I found the following blog which lists a number of brands that are commited to being BPA free. http://thegreenparent.blogspot.com/ Thanks to all those other savy bloggers out there!!

As for myself, I don't think it's worth the risk and will be switching over to non-BPA plastics or glass for Claire and Sam. There are too many variables in this life to not control the ones you can.

So many little things

I wouldn't say I am the most earth conscious person, but I do get concerned about exposing my children to toxins and all other undesirables. I have recently committed myself to using only eco-friendly cleaning products and am happy to report that diluted vinegar and baking soda can clean almost anything, and typically better than their asphyxiating counterparts. I have also worked hard to incorporate greener habits in doing dishes and laundry. I figure, as they say, every little bit counts. That being said, I still have concerns.

Sam, who's only four months old, is still taking a bottle of expressed milk when I'm away and I'm worried about the plastic bottles I'm using.

I was just reading on a fellow bloggers page, http://notquitecrunchyparent.blogspot.com/2008/05/safety-in-numbers-which-types-of.html that these bottles place a risk of our vulnurable infants ingesting chemicals which may lead to disease. I guess what I'm most interested in at this point is where I can obtain glass bottles as well as more information about what else I can do to make sure my children are protected.

I'm ashamed that we've become so concerned with a cheap product that we risk our health for it.

What doing??

I've already talked about dancing on the edge of insanity. Here's one more example of how I can get there. After months and months of wondering when my daughter will talk, she decided to start and never stop. She talks constantly now and knows more words than I probably give her credit for. She comes up with new concepts everyday, but there are a couple phrases that don't seem to get old for her. One of them is, "What is it?". Or in her language, "iz it". It's all the time, "iz it mommy, iz it?". Then of course I respond with amazing amounts of patience and answer, "that's a fountain, honey". Unfortunately, it doesn't end there. Almost immediately she comes up with, "What doing?". "It's spouting water" is a typical response. This goes on all day long and all night long and slowly wears you down. "What iz it mommy? Iz it? What doing mommy? What doing?? What doing? What iz it? Iz it mommy?" It goes on all day. Of course there are interruptions when she will be excited to realize she already knows the answer... like "Fountain mommy? Fountain? Spouting mommy?". To which I reply in a tired voice, "That's right babe, that's a fountain spouting water." I'm so glad she's learning new things every day and I'm really quite happy to help her with her lessons, but I would love it if we could find a new format for tomorrows class.

My beloved family vehicle

Please do not judge the mini van. It is indeed the best thing that has ever happened to family travel. I have just returned from a trip to visit my Mother-in-law and I must admit that my recent upgrade from my snazzy SUV to my large and in-charge mini van was the smartest thing I have done in a while (and that's saying something, as I am usually doing smart things).

There are so many wonderful amenities, it's hard to know where to start. Firstly, I can actually get to the back, where the kids are unhappily strapped in their travel torture devices, from the front seat without throwing out a shoulder. This enables me to stop at a frosty parking lot and instead of exposing my newborn to sub-zero temperatures to breast feeding uncomfortably in the drivers seat I just climb back and get cozy on the back bench seat.

Also, having a toddler who has just recently discovered the niceties of adult toilet habits, it is very handy to have a travel toilet in the car which is just waiting to be abused at any moment. Now, I know, the thought of a toddler peeing, or worse, in your vehicle may be a bit scary. But let me tell you ladies... there is nothing better than having a small potty at your disposal at any time, whether it be while driving down the highway or at the neighborhood park that has conveniently locked all the bathrooms.

There are also all the great little things, like a mirror to spy on the children in the rear, extra storage under the seats, more cup holders, and most importantly lots and lots of legroom. The list really does go on. Needless to say, I am one happy customer and sooooo glad I didn't wait another day.

Don't hate on the mini-van! It's not an embarrassment to be well prepared and comfortable while driving.

NEW NEW

So - What's with all these new electronic toys that kids get? Typically, although I may be the minority here, it seems these toys are purchased for my children as gifts, not by me. They usually have many different colored lights and sounds that quickly drive a parent insane. And I'm not exaggerating here. To elaborate, in the morning all is good in the world. The kids are happy, and I may even interact a bit - play with blocks or color a bit, but slowly as the day wears on, more and more of these electronic toys make their way out of the toy box and unto the floor. Not only is it a liability to have so many obstructions between the couch and the fridge (the two places I like to visit most in my house), but the noise coming from each one of these toys compounded one on top of the next makes a person crazy. First you think, "that's annoying, but I can deal". Then its, "Wow, that's a lot of noise... I can barley hear (insert activity here) - the other person on the phone, my TV show, myself think!!" Finally, instead of thinking to yourself you shout loudly, "If you don't put that toy away right now, it's going out the window!!" Then, of course, there is the quiet moment afterwards when you think, "Wow... that was intense... it was just a toy after all."

My daughter Claire has a new toy. It's a synthesizer and it has pre-recorded songs on it. All you need to do is press a button and soon there is blaring music to gallop or skip or dance to. Admittedly, Claire is the cutest thing in the world when she is hopping around the room but the music is unbearable. Her favorite of all is titled, "NEW NEW". What is that, and what does it mean? The tune itself is nothing that I've heard before which could be why it's titled "NEW NEW" but they could have made it easier on the parent and just called it "Annoying song that will inevitably make you loose your sanity." Or, if space was an issue, they could just abbreviate it to "Annoying Song".

I guess it's simple enough when your sanity is intact. You just need to sit back and enjoy the gallop.

Mother's Day

It's only fitting that my first blog is the day before Mother's Day. I couldn't take it another day reading about everyone elses children and not writing about my own. Everything changes so quickly and my memory just doesn't keep up with it. So I thought.... hmmmm... let's take time out of an already busy schedule to write down something that likely no one will read or appreciate. Great Idea!!

So here we are at Mother's Day. I did all the appropriate things, purchasing cheesy greeting cards for both my mother and my mother-in-law, and going through a 2 hour long torture session pacifying my 4 month old while my daughter, Claire, painted hieroglyphs unto unglazed pottery for a cute little art project for my mother-in-law to cherish (or so I hope).

Luckily, we made it through the endurance contest and although it merited a trip to the Ped's on the way home, everyone survived... and we have a cute little pot to show for it.

Now it's time for me to rush off to sleep so I can assuradly be woken up in 25 minutes by my hungry newborn.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!