A Note to My Son

Dear Sammy:
This is the story of the day you were born.
I thought for days you were going to come; contractions were getting stronger, more regular. I remember on New Year’s Eve I was really uncomfortable and could hardly make small talk. For a minute there I was pretty excited about the possibility of having the first child of the year (the freebies and all that goes with it).
The contractions eventually slowed down and I knew it would be a couple more days.
The days kept going by, my anticipation growing thicker and thicker. Aunt Michele and Grandma decided to come into town for the event (like such things can be planned). So we sat around the house waiting for that magic moment. Certainly, this created a bit of anxiety on my part, feeling the need to perform for the audience. We all went to bed on January twelfth hoping for some action through the night.
It was hard sleeping that night. I was uncomfortable, but more than that, I was excited about what was up ahead, sharing my love with another child.
I woke up on January thirteenth around 5 A.M. (the same day of the month of my birthday and your big sister Claire’s birthday and also your due date). I looked at the clock and thought, “a big too early to get out of bed,” so I laid in bed awake still thinking of all that lay ahead.
All of the sudden I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom and when I went to sit up there was a tiny gush. My excitement grew right away, but I held back expectations. Any women who has been pregnant before knows that this could be any number of things. I rushed to the bathroom and knew immediately that my water had broken.
I ran out of the bathroom and hopped onto the bed. Where my husband usually slept was my mother who had taken his place so she could have a bit more sleeping room than the couch allowed. I told her what I thought and after the news spread to my husband and sister, it was the consensus that I call the doctor. I told her that I was feeling well and although I was having regular contractions (every five minutes or so), they weren’t that painful yet. She told me to stay at home for a bit if I felt comfortable, but to call her immediately when the intensity changed. She was cautions of me staying at home too long because Claire was born so quickly and typically the second child comes even faster.
I decided I would heed my doctor’s advice. I took a shower, got comfortable and I tried to eat a bit before things got worse. After my shower we sat around the living room, on pins and needles, waiting for the next exciting moment. Claire, at that point only two, wasn’t sure what all the commotion was about but was happy enough getting some extra attention from Aunt Michele and Grandma.
My contractions started getting really uncomfortable, but because the contractions during Claire’s birth were so much more intense I didn’t think anything eventful was happening quite yet. Even so, Grandma convinced me to call the doctor back.
Dr. Weiler told me to go to the hospital regardless of the mild contractions. She didn’t want me to wait so long that I ended up having you on the way in. (Claire was born in five hours start to finish.) So around 8 A.M. we got in the car with our bags and headed off.
I remained pretty comfortable on the car ride and did alright walking to the Maternity Ward. I thought maybe I was getting off easy. I got admitted, did the paperwork and put on the pretty sea foam green smock. The monitor showed my regular contractions. The doctors said that because there was meconium in my water, they might need to induce if I didn’t have you pretty quickly.
I was a little worried about that possibility, but tried to focus on the excitement. Aunt Michele and Daddy were both there to support me and they traded off putting pressure on my back to relieve the pain I was having. At this point I had given up all hope that I was “getting off easy” on this birth.
It was getting incredibly painful and the contractions were getting frequent enough that I couldn’t relax between. At least I knew you were coming without induction. I kept on with the labor, rejecting the epidural and worked through the pain. I was starting to dilate well but wasn’t sure if I’d make it without medication. Dr. Weiler said that she thought this was a good sign that we were getting close. She said I could start pushing but it was horrible. The pain intensified even further as I tried to push. My body was saying, “Push, Push, Push,” but my mind wanted to shut this operation down. It got increasingly more difficult for me to focus my remaining energy and keep pushing.
Your heart rate was slowing and the doctors were concerned, so they encouraged me to push harder and to get you out. They told me to try pushing on my hands and knees. After a few minutes of that you were pretty close to being born. They gave me oxygen as your heart rate continued to slow and they told me to concentrate. I worked hard as they flipped me to my side and told me to, “Get it done!”.
The back labor was getting worse and so were the contractions. After just a few more minutes of pushing you were born at 2:01 P.M.. Although your heart rate was down during birth and they were worried about the meconium, you were perfect! A boy, Samuel Xavier, 8 lbs 1oz. I couldn’t believe how much you looked like your sister. It was all worth it…. every day of those 40 weeks, and every moment since.

Love you always- Your Mom

Couple Months of Crazy

I was somewhat surprised when I logged in and noticed I haven't blogged since November, but then again, not so surprised.

After Claire's birth I had a short stint of postpartum depression so it didn't catch me off guard when, six months after Sammy's birth, I fell into a funk again. I followed the same protocol as last time, calling a therapist, taking breaks, except this time that wasn't enough. After months of counseling and extra child care I still didn't feel better. It is no fun being a mom with no energy to care for your children.

When I talked to my GP about it he suggested anti-depressants. I've never been great at taking pills and I'm even worse on relying on them. Even so, I called a psychiatrist to discuss meds. Instead of jumping right into pills she did some blood work to make sure there wasn't something else lurking (after Claire's birth I had Mono). It turns out my Thyroid was not doing it's job - hypothyroidism. She explained that I was lethargic and irritable because of this and put me on a thyroid medication.

Now it's been a couple months and I'm feeling like my old self again. I'm so glad I went in to discuss my problems and got them resolved. It's really difficult to admit to having problems but I'm so glad I did. Family and friends got together and helped while my energy was still down and I've never felt more connected to my loved ones.

I feel so fortunate to have such support.

Cruise and Stuff

I went on a cruise last week. Yeah... that's right! It rocked! I had a great time hanging out with my sister and meeting mom's from all over the country. I hated them a lot less than I thought I would, and actually liked a few of them quite a bit.

It was wonderful to be away from the kiddies for just a spell. I missed them most when I saw other fat faced cherub boys looking at me or beautiful princess toddler girls running and laughing.

I was a bit sick but nothing so bad as to keep me out of the sun (or the dance club). There was certainly something special about just being Andrea for a bit and not worrying so much about being Sammy and Claire's mom and Justin's wife. All the titles make me tired just typing them.

Coming back to the house wasn't all that easy. I like to think I've loosened up a bit from my OCD youth, but coming home to the daddy disarray almost made me vomit.

It took me almost three days to get things back to "my way". Now that it's done I feel tired... and almost ready for another retreat.

The Fairy Princess Take Over

Devils Night, 7 PM, Target. My hands shake as I finger through the dollar bins. In a state of desperation I run to the seasonal isle. There must be something, possibly left over, I can buy Claire's Class for the Halloween Bash.

Not until just hours before did I realize what most day care moms know as a rule, "No home baked goods for distribution." So here I am, last minute. One of "those" moms. Of course, shortly thereafter I realized I had a perfectly justifiable reason to be away from the kids and I stopped at the Starbucks for a camel apple cider.

I did end up finding something (imported junk). After stuffing them into single serve cellophane bags with other edible goodies I took Claire into school.

I slaved over Claire's Fairy Princess vision. Big girl makeup and stripped tights. I thought I would shine as the dedicated parent. Little did I know every little body in that class had cellophane bags tied with pretty ribbon.... and every little girl was a Fairy Princess.

Super Family Showdown

This past weekend was a doozy! Friday started large with everyone coming in from out of town. This hefty list includes, maternal grandmother, grandfather, step grandfather, aunt and uncle.

The day begun with cleaning and preparations (not counting the actual work that had to be done). My dad, as expected, arrives 4 hours prior to his pre-discussed arrival time, so I work to include him in what I'm busy doing.

It may be a good time to point out that my parents are divorced, so it goes without saying that we do our best to entertain them exclusively.

Later that night my mom, step dad, sister and brother-in-law get in and the juggling begins. My sister with my dad and me with my mom, then, my sister with my mom and me with my dad.

This goes on through the "Princess Party" for my newly 3 year old, through all the pasta salad, the beer and the presents. Through into the night when my sister stays on with my dad, sharing ice cream and movies and I go off with my mom and step dad to watch a roller derby. Through into the next day when it's off to Indianapolis to baptize my son, Sammy. Through the after brunch, mimosas and presents again. And until goodbyes are said and the return trip home is underway.

Now I'm just regaining consciousness and it's Wednesday morning. The kids recovered well from all the hub bub with only new toys and sour stomachs to show for it.

I guess it's onto the next adventure, when, this weekend, we trudge to Michigan to my husbands family where we'll celebrate his grandmothers 90th birthday.

UGH!

Day Care- The not so bad option!!

It turns out the business was busier than I wanted to believe and I'm recently found myself without my ever so reliable, superhero, babysitter. I posted want ads and looked up preschools and finally found my child care answer.

It's a program locally called PDO or "Parent's Day Out". It mostly caters to the stay at home mom that needs time here and there to take care of errands or part-time work. In my situation there couldn't be a better solution! I have both the kids attending now on Tuesdays and Thursdays for four hours a day.

Certainly, this gives me a good amount of time to work hard on my job, but also gives the kids a bit of time to hang out with other kids their age. This probably is more important to Claire than Sammy, but it's the most important for me.

Giving me this break to do my job well is the best gift I could have given myself. I still have the kids nearly full time at home and I couldn't be happier with the help I get when they are away.

I guess I was unfair when I thought about daycares in the past, but there isn't anything better (at least for me). I guess I shouldn't be so quick to judge when I hear about what other parents are doing with their kids. Experience is the only way to know if any particular situation is going to work out for you and your children. I've learned this is a good one.

Full time again...

Lately my florist business is taking a slow down. I still have weddings and corporate events, but not enough to sustain a full time nanny. This means that by default I am now a full time stay at home mom, working in the evenings to keep the finances flush. Anyone who tries to say that staying at home is a releaf next to working a 40 hour work week must not have young children. This is hard! Keeping my toddler engaged while maintaining a clean diaper and a full belly for my baby is terribly time consuming. Those moments when all is well and both kids are happy is horribly boring. I've found the only way to keep everyone sane and, even more, happy, is to have activities. Sometimes Target is the best I can do, but often times we can do better, by creating crafts, going to the park or meeting with some "friends" Claire's age. Certainly, even on a good day this is exhausting. I'll vote with the other working mom's that it makes a mom happier to be productive and away from the kids from time to time. Let's just hope I can make it through the slow winter and still be sane enough to work in the spring! Wish me luck!!!